[verse]
[beat kicks in, synth builds]
I didn’t do a thing yesterday, oh no (yeah, yeah!)
But that’s alright, it’s Advent, don’t you know? (ooooh!)
Taking December, yeah, doubling down,
This year’s so different, no Advent around.

Sitting with Mum, just killing the day (just killing the day!)
We know there’s things, but nah, not today (not today!)
Amazon clicks, chaos in the night,
Barely any gifts, but it’s alright (alriiiight!)

[Chorus]
(high-energy synths, thumping bass)
Gifts are small, but love is high (love is hiiiiigh!)
£20-30, we’ll get by (we’ll get by!)
Santa’s dockin’ my Ally tight (tight, tight!)
Frantic not-Advent feels so right (feels so riiiiight!)

(chanting)
Gifts are small, but love is high (love is hiiiiigh!)
Wrap them up, it’s do-or-die (do-or-diiiiiie!)
Minimal vibes, but hearts are bright (hearts are briiiight!)
Euro-dance through the festive night (festive niiiiight!)

[Verse 2]
(driving beat, airy ooooh’s in the background)
Sister’s coming, Christmas Day (Christmas Daaaay!)
Switch 2 dreams still months away (so far away!)
Mum’s got her scent, her books, her tea (yeah, yeah!)
I’ll wrap it up, just wait and see.

The Ally dock’s gonna make me play (make me play!)
Archive the chaos of not-Advent days (ooooh!)
Faffing around, it’s how I roll (how I roooooll!)
Last-minute vibes, they’re in my soul (in my sooooul!)

[Bridge]
(breakdown, echoed whispers)
No game today (today, today)
Just vibes and cheer (and cheer, and cheer)
Minimal Christmas (Christmas!)
But we’re all here (we’re heeeeere!)

(synth build-up, rising chants)
Frantic not-doing Advent, hey (hey, hey!)
Dancing the night in a 90s way (90s waaay!)

[Chorus]
(explosive beat drops, layered harmonies)
Gifts are small, but love is high (love is hiiiiigh!)
£20-30, we’ll get by (we’ll get by!)
Santa’s dockin’ my Ally tight (tight, tight!)
Frantic not-Advent feels so right (feels so riiiiight!)

(chanting)
Gifts are small, but love is high (love is hiiiiigh!)
Wrap them up, it’s do-or-die (do-or-diiiiiie!)
Minimal vibes, but hearts are bright (hearts are briiiight!)
Euro-dance through the festive night (festive niiiiight!)

[Outro]
(fading beat, airy chants)
Merry Christmas (ooooh!) Let’s dance, let’s glow (yeah, yeah!)
1990s style, in the lights, let’s go (go, go, go!)
No Advent, no stress, just let it flow (flow, flow!)
Minimal Christmas, but we’re in the zone (the zooooone!)

JNKCE20241222

Festive Fare

Scene One - Int. Supermarket Entrance

[Dave and Green stand at the entrance, Dave clutching a shopping trolley with his usual determination]
Dave: Right then. Festive vegetables.
Green: Yes. Brussel sprouts, obviously.
Dave: But what makes them festive? Do they wear tiny party hats?
Green: They're just... traditional.
Dave: Like Cola at Christmas?
Green: Not exactly-
Dave: Because I've got plenty of that sorted already. Both of my fridges are full.

[Dave starts pushing the trolley, zigzagging between other shoppers]
Dave: What about party rings? They're festive.
Green: Party rings aren't vegetables.
Dave: They're round like sprouts.
Green: That's not how this works.
Dave: I think I might need Lady Computer to help me make a list.
Green: We're already at the shop!
Dave: She's very good with categories.

Scene Two - Int. Supermarket Produce Section

[Dave is examining a parsnip with deep suspicion]
Dave: Are you sure this is festive? It looks like a pale carrot that's given up on life.
Green: It's a parsnip. It's very festive.
Dave: Is everything pale considered festive? Is that why people like snow?
Green: Just put them in the trolley.

[Dave starts arranging parsnips in size order]
Dave: If we arrange them properly-
Green: We don't need to arrange them.
Dave: But Mr Standard Fridge likes organisation!
Green: The fridge is already full of Coke bottles.
Dave: They're very understanding bottles. They'll share the space, as long as the pear snips are in the right order.

[An elderly lady approaches]
Lady: Excuse me, could you pass me a cabbage?
Dave: [whispering to Green] Is cabbage festive?
Green: Dave, just pass her the-
Dave: [to woman] Why is the cabbage festive?
Lady: Um.
Dave: Because it looks like a big sprout, right? Is that why?
Green: No, Dave, that's a lettuce. The cabbage is the one with the white fluffy clouds.
Dave: Is that to remind you of the snow?
Green: It might be that, yeah. Broccoli is the plain trees in the forest, and Cabbage is the snowy trees.
Dave: Then what's the pear snip for?
[The woman walks away]

Scene Three - Int. Supermarket Checkout
[The conveyor belt is loaded with sprouts, parsnips, carrots, and somehow, several bottles of Coke]

Cashier: Getting prepared?
Dave: Apparently. Though I'm still unclear on the festive status of all of these items.
Green: Dave...
Dave: I mean, the sprouts are round like baubles, I'll give you that.
Cashier: Would you like help packing?
Dave: Only if you can explain why potatoes become festive just because it's December.

[Green starts rapidly packing bags]
Green: We're fine, thanks.
Dave: Wait! I need to arrange them by festivity level!
Green: That's not a thing!
Dave: Lady Computer could calculate it.
Green: We are not consulting your computer about vegetable festivity!

Scene Four - Ext. Supermarket Car Park
[Dave and Green loading bags into the car]

Dave: So if we put the sprouts next to the emergency Cola supply...
Green: How can you tell which is the emergency supply?
Dave: The ones on the left, obviously. You never know when you might need them.
Green: OK, but the vegetables don't need to be in order.
Dave: They're FESTIVE vegetables!
Green: *sighs* Yes, Dave. Festive vegetables. We can organise them once you're back at home.

[Dave pulls out his phone]
Dave: Lady Computer, create new spreadsheet: "Festive Vegetable Rankings 2024"
Green: Get in the car, Dave.
Dave: But I haven't calculated their party potential yet!

[End credits roll as Dave tries to put a tiny paper hat on a sprout]