[chorus]
Asset this.
Asset that.
Asset a dog.
Asset a cat.
Asset a child,
Driving a car.
And asset a box.
... stop

[verse]
Where do all my assets go, I wonder. (I wonder)
I make them all then put them into my games. (That was the aim, oh yeah)
Then I move them all around the screen, and the gameplay comes alive. (alive)
This is where the assets live and breath. They come here to survive. (wooo)

[chorus]
Asset this.
Asset that.
Asset a dog.
Asset a cat.
Asset a child,
Driving a car.
And asset a box.
... stop

[verse]
All my assets look the same, pixelated wonders. (wonders)
Drawn in such a crazy 8 bit style. (this is my style, oh yeah)
I drew them with a mouse click, or maybe with a trackpad. (pad!)
But now they live forever in a game that makes you mad. (it's awfully hard, again)


[chorus]
Asset this.
Asset that.
Asset a dog.
Asset a cat.
Asset a child,
Driving a car.
And asset a box.
And then another box.

Asset a trumpet.
Asset a stick.
Asset a pony.
Asset a pig.
Asset a crate,
And a cube, and a rectangle.
Asset the whole caboodle.
(yeah!)

JNKCE20250204

Damp Discoveries

Int. Dave's Living Room

[Matt, Green and Dave stand around the fractal display. There's a distinct squelching sound as they move]

Matt: These equations are incredible! The complexity is astounding!
Dave: All powered by fizzy drinks!
Green: Not an AI in sight.
[Lady Computer displays a love heart symbol.]

Green: He's been working on it for weeks.
Dave: It's called Colanary, because the different fizzinesses act as different values.
Matt: But it isn't Cola? That's very unlike you, Dave.
Dave: We had .. issues with the stickiness.

[Squelch]

Matt: Um... is the carpet meant to be this wet?
Dave: That's just Engine Effervescence. Perfectly normal.
Green: Yeah, I'm starting to notice that it's getting .. squelchier.
Matt: Doesn't seem good to me.

[Dave demonstrates the fractal zoom]
Dave: Watch this bit - the Colanary values create perfect Mandelbrot sets!
Matt: The mathematics are fascinating. Though my feet are getting rather soggy.
Dave: The PC's processing it beautifully. No lag at all!
Matt: Have you considered waterproofing the room?
Green: Or moving it to the kitchen where you can mop it up easier?
Dave: But the kitchen's already full of appliances. Where would Mr Standard Fridge go if there's an extra computer and all these pipes flowing through the kitchen?

[The Effervescent Flow bubbles]
Matt: You know, you should probably set up some drainage...
Dave: It's ok. Once a week it fizzes into the air to clean the street.
Matt: What?
Green: It's ok, all his new neighbours seem to like that.
Dave: It's epic. You get a huge fizzy geyser that bursts into the air. The kids all seemed to love it, the other day.
Matt: But it's not helping your carpet, much.
Dave: True. Maybe I should buy a new rug. Lady Computer, price me up some Coke rugs!

[End credits roll as Matt explains fluid dynamics while Dave sketches plans for a hydroelectric abacus]