[verse]
OK, Windows, let's see what you've got.
Oh. It's not much. You're kinda disappointing.
I've worked hard at this code, made things faster on Apple.
Why are you so slow after all that I've done?

[chorus]
I wonder why you aren't that fast?
Is it something that I tweaked in the past?
Did I break something I should have left as it was,
Or are you kinda slow, just because..

I'm relying on Edge as my browser of choice,
Should I, instead, be using Chrome,
I guess there's Opera, too, should I be using that?
Or maybe Firefox oughta be my browsing home.

[break]

[verse]
OK, Windows, let's just try a few options.
I'll tweak the code, then you reload, let's see where it goes.
If we can make slight improvements then that would be great.
On a scale, we will chart how they rate.

[break]

[chorus]
I wonder why you aren't that fast?
Is it something that I tweaked in the past?
Did I break something I should have left as it was,
Or are you kinda slow, just because..

I'm relying on Edge as my browser of choice,
Should I, instead, be using Chrome,
I guess there's Opera, too, should I be using that?
Or maybe Firefox oughta be my browsing home.

[instrumental]

[outro]
Goodnight, then, Windows, I'll let you rest now.
For tomorrow, we'll battle with improvements, somehow.
I will wrestle, and tweak at the values and code,
Until you work much faster, like the Apples I've told.

[break]

[chorus]
I wonder why you aren't that fast?
Is it something that I tweaked in the past?
Did I break something I should have left as it was,
Or are you kinda slow, just because..

I'm relying on Edge as my browser of choice,
Should I, instead, be using Chrome,
I guess there's Opera, too, should I be using that?
Or maybe Firefox oughta be my browsing home.

JNKCE20250426

The Great Shop Opening Debate

Int. Dave's Shop - Rear Office

[The room is filled with various blueprints, mismatched chairs, and scattered office supplies. Mrs. Thompson sits at one end, typing on a laptop while Brian fiddles with a small gadget on the table. Dave and Greenie are at the far end, half-listening as they examine a large whiteboard covered in notes.]

Dave: (pointing to the whiteboard) See? This is the master plan. The shop will be an all-encompassing experience! It'll have an arcade area for the kids, a fully functional kitchen where we'll test recipes till they reach peak flavour, and... this.
[Dave gestures to a diagram of what appears to be a giant cake dispenser.]

Mrs. Thompson: (pausing from typing) We all know this, David. We can literally walk out that door and see everything on the shop floor.
Green: Except the giant.. Whatever that is.
Dave: That's the the fridges.
Green: Really?
Dave: I couldn't figure out how to draw them from above. They just look like blocks.
Green: So .. You drew a giant Cake Cannon?
Dave: ScrunchCake Cannon!
Mrs. Thompson: So, everything's there? Everything's ready to go?
Dave: (grinning) Everything on my plan, yes. All we need is to determine who's doing what job.
Brian: I'm cooking!
Dave: I was thinking we might need backup staff. The four of us can't keep all of this working smoothly ourselves. It's quite the endeavour.
Green: Four of us? I don't think me and Mrs Thompson have agreed to working here.
Mrs. Thompson: You aren't working here?
Green: You are?
Brian: (excitedly) I'm looking forward to it. Are we hiring, then?
Mrs. Thompson: We need to focus on when we'll open, too. We can't really hire people without an opening day.
Dave: Yeah, we should decide on that.

[Greenie rolls his eyes.]
Green: Are we sure we're ready for this?
Dave: Of course we are! OK, a date, then. How about May the First? We can have a white rabbit statue!
Green: NO!
Mrs. Thompson: Aww, why not? That'll be cute.
Green: No. You don't know how far that rabbit hole goes.
Brian: I like rabbits.
Dave: So it's decided then. May the First. We'll open up with a big gala event, and have a white rabbit to cut the ribbon!
Mrs. Thompson: Oooh, this is ever so exciting!
Brian: I'd better start frying!
Dave: Baking.... ..
Brian: Yeah, that too!

[End Credits roll]