Blog - Tutorial - AGameAWeek

26th November 2011

The following blog post contains words, which are built up using various letters.
You are expected to read the words in the correct order, moving your eyes from left to right to read each line, and then moving on to the left hand side of the next line.
Continue in this method until you have read all of the words of this blog post, and are happy with your understanding thereof.

An interesting request, the other day.
It's something that's been annoying me for a few years, but I hate being that git who whinges aimlessly about the players.

I'm the developer, they are the players, and I shouldn't do that.
I should continue to develop games that they want to play.

But this time, I'm a little bit more ticked off than I should be.

If you're reading these words on the frontpage of this website, the following part will contain the words Click for More. If you can see this, you need to click the words Click for More, and will then be transported to a much longer version of these words. Once there, you may continue to read the words, and be happy.
If the phrase Click for More does not appear on the next line, you are already on the page which contains the longer version of these words. You should, instead, continue to read the words in the same way that you've been reading the words that have proceeded them.

-=-=-

Welcome to Part Two of this tutorial. If you started on the larger version of these words, you won't have noticed the difference between Part One and Part Two of this tutorial. In the future, I will change the way that you read these blog posts, so that users will be forced to click on a link after each of these parts, so that they can understand each of the parts better, and how they fit into the reading that you are currently having to undertake.

The game NeonPlat Adventures is a sidescrolling platformer.
You start on the left, run to the right, collect items, kill baddies, kill a boss, reach the end.
In the 80s, when the entire universe first experienced the game Super Mario Bros, the entire universe managed to figure the whole thing out without having to read page after page of tutorial.
You can figure this out, too.
It's the same thing, but with more things thrown at you.

At this point, you should begin to realise that the words that you are currently reading are in fact a rant written by the creator of a game, who cannot possibly comprehend why the players are requesting a tutorial for such a simplistic game.
You should probably be reading these words in an extremely sarcastic tone of voice, or tone of "thought"(?), depending on whether you are reading this blog post aloud.

Items that you can throw will appear in your hand.
Items you can't throw won't.
Things that move will kill you.
Things that don't, won't.
Things that do move, but look a bit like floors, are probably floors, unless I'm a really evil sadistic bastard.

The following is a rant based upon the authors personal experience and will probably not be a very popular opinion.
The author is merely ranting his arse off at this point, and quite frankly couldn't care less.

As you progress through the game, you should learn the rules of the throwable objects.
These are not obvious as you look at them.
As you pick them up, you should have the urge to throw them.
They will fly through the air, and you should go "Ooh, that's what THAT does."
Learning is PART OF THE FUN.

At this point, the author will begin to capitalise words, which probably means he's getting quite a bit more ranty than he was when he started this whole tutorial blog post.
He'll also start using multiple unnecessary bits of
punctuation, to highlight the fact that he's stabbing at the keyboard in a very unlikable fashion....

Capturing enemy with a sphere will leave little enemy bubbles in the air.
At some point, you'll accidentally hit one of the enemy bubbles, and go "Oooh, I can pick those up!"
This will also give you a powerup.
You should realise that this will happen will all the baddies, and begin a quest to find out what else the other ones do.
This is a natural thing to do.
This is how we USED to play games.
We didn't get 6 hour introductions, spoiling every bit of the game for us.
We PLAYED the game.
We ENJOYED the game.
And we weren't playing a sodding movie.
We were playing an interactive adventure, not a sodding cutscene.

The following line of text contains a nasty swear word. Other sections of this text may, or may not, have also contained swear words, but the following line uses the F-Word. If you are unsure as to the meaning of the F-Word, or have been told not to read the F-Word by your parents/guardians, please do not read any further.

Fuck modern games.

Although the next line of text also contains the same nasty swear word, it is also meant as a bit of a joke. It contains a mention of hats. Hats are what the author calls the collected baddies within the game. He has ranted enough, and is now switching back to his silly jokey persona so he can end this blog post in a happier manner.

Fuck 'em with a hat on.

This is the end of this blog post. You may now continue to click through to other websites, other pages of this website, or the porn you were looking at earlier.
The author would like you to enjoy the rest of your day, possibly Play NeonPlat Adventures, and maybe even Buy his iOS games so he becomes happier, and much less ranty.
He also knows that this probably won't happen, because everyone who reads this has already played SpikeDislike to death.

Views 36, Upvotes 10

Daily Blog

New games every week!