[verse]
A pen and a paper. I gave it my best.
The art that I drew would be mostly detested.
I tried on my iPad, to help with the style.
My scribbles were worthless. I threw out the pile.

I gave it another attempt on the Mac,
But whatever I plotted, it threw it all back.
I've never been great at an art style, unless,
It's just big chunky pixels. I draw those the best.

[chorus]
Here I am, A.I.'ing the cards again.
Because you know I can't draw to save my life.
I gave it a try, it all went awry,
Now I'm sitting and I'm asking a computer A.I.

Yeah, yeah, I'm A.I.'ing the cards again.
To make it all a bit more presentable.
The descriptions are done, but my art was no fun,
So I asked the computer, and now it's all done.

[break]

[bridge]
I tried in acrylics. It splattered around.
The drips in the watercolour always were found.
Crayons were awful, such a scribbling mess.
I tried with a pencil and it wasn't the best.

The oil on the canvas left a lasting reminder,
Of how bad I could paint, like the art in my binder.
I've tried to improve but I guess for right now,
That I'll just let the A.I. machine show me how.

[break]

[chorus]
Here I am, A.I.'ing the cards again.
Because you know I can't draw to save my life.
I gave it a try, it all went awry,
Now I'm sitting and I'm asking a computer A.I.

Yeah, yeah, I'm A.I.'ing the cards again.
To make it all a bit more presentable.
The descriptions are done, but my art was no fun,
So I asked the computer, and now it's all done.

JNKCE20250116

Colanary Conference

Int. Dave's Front Garden - Afternoon
[A massive vending machine towers over Dave's house, decorated with wires and blinking lights. A crowd has gathered]

Dave: [standing on a stepladder] Welcome to the future of computing!
Green: [to worried neighbours] Hello everybody, this is a fairly stable scientific experiment.
Mrs. Thompson: Will we get free drinks?
Green: There may be significant overspill, yes. Don't worry, we've attached the main overflow to the drainage system. Everything should be safe.
Dave: Has everybody got a straw?
Mr. Buckle: That doesn't sound very stable.
Green: It's as good as we're getting, I'm afraid.

[Dave starts his presentation]
Dave: Behold! The Colanary 3000! With varieties from around the world!
Mr. Harrington: Is that why there's Japanese writing on some bottles?
Dave: Absolutelydoodly. That's for Unicode support! Also, the bubbles are smaller in Japanese Cola.
Mrs. Thompson: Why would you need Unicode support?
Mr. Bucket: What even is Unicode? Is that a new barcode or something?

[Lady Computer's warning messages appear on the vending machine's display]
Lady Computer: *"WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED NEIGHBOURHOOD COLA EVENT"*
Dave: It's ok, Lady Computer. They're just here to see the amazing power of Colanary.
Little Tommy: Can it play Minecraft?
Dave: Better! It can simulate Minecraft using different Cola densities!
Green: Please don't encourage him, Timmy.
Little Tommy: Tommy.

[The machine starts making concerning noises]
Mrs. Baker: Should it be making that hissing sound?
Dave: Don't worry, that's just the Cherry Coke handling the error protocols!
Green: Dave, I think you've got a leak in the Debug Cola section...
Dave: Straws at the ready, everybody, this is the fun bit!

[End credits roll]
[/spoiler

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