Driving along in my 8-Bit car,
Feeling really cool as we go quite far.
Looking at the map, checking where we are.
Doing it all in my 8-Bit car.

JNKCE20250308

Printed Reviews

Int. Dave's Study - Morning
[Dave standing by printer, Green sat at desk looking at monitor]

Dave: No, but look, I've added so much more detail!
Green: "Graphics move left to right. And sometimes right to left. And occasionally up."
Dave: See! Much more detailed.
Green: Dave, you're wasting paper.
Dave: How so?
Green: I can read it on the screen, Dave. Look, it's right there.
Dave: But what if the computer crashes? Like when Windows goes all blue? True blue, Baby..
Green: Well then it won't be printing, either, will it?
Dave: [prints another copy] And look, I added sound effects!
Green: "Beep. Boop. Whoosh."
Dave: They're onomatopoeic!
Green: Why are they here? You're writing a review. It doesn't need audio, be it written or otherwise.
Dave: And a diagram.
Green: That's just a stick figure with fangs. You can take screenshots, you know.
Dave: It's Count Duckula!
Green: It looks like it was drawn by a five-year-old.
Dave: But it adds character!
Green: Or you could grab a picture from the internet. You don't need to be drawing these things.
Dave: [printer whirring] And this version has a proper score system!
Green: "Seven ducks out of twelve possible vegetables"?
Dave: It's themed!
Green: That doesn't even make any sense. And why twelve?
Dave: Because twelve divides by one, three, four and six.
Green: How does that help anyone?
Dave: So you can say things like "This game is a twelve o'clock rocker!"
Green: [gives up] OK, whatever. Get the site online, and we'll see how it goes. I'm sure you'll find a fanbase. There's plenty of oddballs on the web.

[End Credits roll as Dave folds up a printed review, and tucks it neatly inside his new cassette case]