Me and Mum are having words.
We're playing endless rounds of Scrabble,
Letters placed down into rows,
And columns filled with winning words.

Double letters up the scores,
But not for tiles we've used before.
A triple word score for the Quiz
Ten times three, plus thirty more.

[chorus]
How have you managed to get sixty points for Iota.
That's certainly more than the four letter word should be worth.
I understand the fact that you've made multiple word interconnections.
But I think that you might need some kind of mathematical corrections.

[alt-verse]
It's not just a word game,
You need to be clever.
Use up all the premiums,
On high scoring letters.

And planning ahead,
It's like an alphabet greed.
But be sure you're not trapped,
Waiting for the one that you need.

[chorus]
How have you managed to get eighty four for Magenta.
That's certainly more than the simple seven letters are meant to.
I understand the fact that you've used up the triple word tile twice.
But I'm not sure that a word like Glimp is really all that nice.

[bridge]
It seems that my scoreboard is slightly awry.
When you used all your letters, I didn't add the bonus.
I'll have to dig through and see if I can fix,
All the maths and the words that I've written on it.
(Gotta fix the scoreboard)

[chorus]
How have you managed to get sixty points for Iota. (It's only Iota)
That's certainly more than the four letter word should be worth. (How did you score that?)
I understand the fact that you've made multiple word interconnections. (Connecting the words up)
But I think that you might need some kind of mathematical corrections. (Please check all the sums.)

[alt-chorus]
How have you managed to get eighty four for Magenta. (It's only a pink hue)
That's certainly more than the simple seven letters are meant to. (Thought the M is worth more.)
I understand the fact that you've used up the triple word tile twice. (Thats triple for each word)
But I'm not sure that a word like Glimp is really all that nice. (In fact it's absurd.)

[outro - spoken]
Is Glimp even a word?
Did you mean.. Glimpse?
Is that what you meant?
I'm challenging your word.

JNKCE20250826

The Scottish Experiment
Int. Kitchen - Dave's Games and ScrunchCakes

[Brian is staring at several bottles of Irn Bru]

Dave: What's the problem?
Brian: It's fizzy. How am I supposed to add fizz to a ScrunchCake?
Dave: Hmm.. What if you boil it? Would that take the fizz out?
Brian: Possibly, but it'd probably also ruin the flavour somewhat.
Dave: What about Soda Stream?
Brian: Isn't that for adding even more fizz?
Dave: No, I mean the syrups. They make Irn Bru syrup, don't they? It's basically the same thing!
Brian: Dave, you can't use SodaStream syrup to replicate Scotland's national drink.
Dave: Why not? People won't be able to tell when it's baked around a sausage.
Brian: People will know, Dave.
Dave: Look, we just need to get the colour right. And that weird taste.
Brian: The weird taste is the whole point!

[Mrs Thompson enters]

Mrs Thompson: How are we doing in here?
Dave: Brian thinks we should use SodaStream Syrup.
Brian: I did not...
Mrs Thompson: I'm not sure we need the fizziness of a SodaStream involved.
Dave: No, just the syrup, for flavouring, mostly.
Brian: Mostly?
Dave: And the orange glow. We definitely need that.

[End Credits roll]